Amazing Biscuits

Behold, the humble biscuit (this one is covered in honey-butter):

Biscuits are so quintessentially American... They're versatile and universally delicious.  Seriously, who says "No" to a buttery flaky biscuit?  I'm going to let you in on a little secret, ready?  Here it is, "Biscuits are EASY!"  It's TRUE!  Let's make some!

You Will Need:

• 2 Cups A/P flour (250 grams)
• 1 Tbsp baking powder
• 1 Tbsp sugar
• 1 Tsp salt
• 1 Stick frozen butter (yes, frozen)!
  
• 3/4 Cup WHOLE milk

This recipe could not be easier.  From the time you think to yourself, "I could eat a biscuit" to the moment you're shoving a warm buttered biscuit into the hole in your face, less than 45 minutes will have passed!  You have to follow some rules though...

Preheat the oven to 425 degrees F.
Put a whole stick of butter into the freezer.
Get out a bowl and a fork (or your stand mixer).

Make sure the butter stays in the freezer for at least 25 minutes (overnight is even better).  I'm not kidding, this is the key to the whole thing!  The secret of biscuits is the integration of butter into the flour.  This is why "dough cutters" were invented, and it's why your grandmother swore by them.  We're going to take a shortcut...

Now, measure 250 grams of flour and dump it into the mixing bowl.  I prefer to weigh it because if ten different people were to measure "Two Cups" of flour, they'd get ten different amounts of flour, depending on how forcefully they pressed the Cup into the flour, etc.  So weigh it out!  Dump it into the mixing bowl with the baking powder, sugar, and salt.  Use a fork or the dough-hook on your mixer and spin it around slowly for 3-5 minutes.

Ok, if the butter has been in the freezer for 30 minutes, take it out and quickly grate it with your cheese grater!  The goal here is to cut the butter throughout the flour as quickly as possible, before it starts to melt.  When it warms and melts and mixes with the flour, you'll get gluten.  When it comes to pie crusts, biscuits, and other flaky morsels, gluten is BAD!  So move quickly and with purpose!!  Grate the butter and dump it into the bowl with the flour.  Grating butter is fun!

Fluff and stir the butter and flour together with a fork, or spin the mixer's dough-hook on low for a few minutes.  Use a rubber spatula to keep anything from trying to climb out!  Push the flour back down and into the middle as the hook spins around.  In a few minutes, the flour will look like a pile of fine crumbs!  This is perfect!  Don't spin to long, or the butter will warm up too much... Just combine it well.

Pour in the COLD whole milk.  Do not be tempted by the hoard of hippies who want you to use Skim Milk or even worse, Almond Milk!!  Use "whole" milk because you want the FAT!  Despite what thousands of California hippies would try to tell you, whole milk is not bad for you!  Biscuits need the fat and you'll appreciate the richness that whole milk brings to the party so spend the extra time at the grocery store looking for the Whole Milk (it has a red cap, and it's probably hidden behind the skim, or on the bottom shelf).  Pour it in and stir with your fork or let the mixer combine it.  When it looks sticky and lumpy, use the rubber spatula to turn it out onto a floured surface.  It will NOT look like smooth bread or pizza dough.  It will look more like Jabba the Hut.

Now, get some flour on your hands and work the dough for a bit.  Pat it down so it's flat, fold it over, pat it down (or roll it down with a rolling pin), spin it a 1/4 turn, and repeat 8-10 times.  This will build layers!  On the final flip/pat/turn, pat it down until its about 1/2" inch thick.  Use a biscuit cutter, or cup (2 3/4" in diameter) to cut the biscuits.  Place them on a nice Silpat or non-stick baking surface.

If you used 250g of flour, and you're using a 2 3/4" cutter, you should get 7 or 8 biscuits, depending on how thick the dough was when you cut it.  Just cut them out, re-work and re-pat the dough into another 1/2" patty, cut another biscuit, and repeat until you've used all the dough.

Bake them at 425 for about 12-15 minutes, or until they start to brown on top.  If you've done your job right, they'll nearly triple in height!  Let them stand there for a minute or two.  Brush the tops with some melted butter and serve!!

My last batch produced "The Perfect Biscuit!"  Note, the height, the girth, the symmetry... I built a bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich out of it.