Roast Chicken... ON THE GRILL!

"I can roast chicken on my grill?" Yes.  You can roast your chicken on the grill, sparing yourself the anxiety of drying out your over-grilled chicken, or poisoning your guests with your under-cooked chicken...  Let's do this!

You will need:

• 1 large roasting chicken (5-7lbs)
• Chicken Rub - equal parts of:
• Paprika
• Brown Sugar
• Kosher Salt
• Coarsely Ground Pepper
• Chili Powder

First things first; we need to separate this big chicken.  You know how to cut a chicken apart into its representative 8 pieces, right?  No?  Well, there's one way to learn!  If you're squeamish about this, get over it.  You'll save yourself some money and you'll learn a "life skill" that you can pass on to your kids!  So, get yourself a cutting board, some good kitchen shears, and a boning knife...

Rinse the bird in cold water, and dry it off with some paper towels.  Lay her down with her back up and her butt facing you.  She looks "sad," doesn't she?  Don't let it bother you, she won't feel a thing.

Pick up the shears and cut out her spine.  While you're cutting, stay focused and keep the cutting edge of the shears as close to the backbone as you can.  If you slide out and away from the backbone, you'll find yourself cutting across the ribs and that takes more hand-strength that you're probably willing to part with so, aim for the vertebrae and you'll be fine.

With the backbone gone, it will be easy to flip her over and spread her apart.  Spin her around so her butt is facing away from you.  Now, with the flat of your palm, press firmly down across the breasts until you hear a "pop" or a dull "thud."  You want to break the keel bone loose (more on this in a bit).  With her breast bone now broken, go ahead and cut the leg/thigh quarters free.

Ok, take a timeout and toss the shears into the sink (you're done with them, now) and wash/dry your hands.  Pick up the knife with your dominant hand and tell your brain that, "This is my knife hand.  It will not let go of the knife to touch the chicken.  My other hand is now my chicken-hand.  It will do the dirty work!"  There are no bones or cartilage here to slow your knife down, so it's an easy cut to take the leg/thigh quarters.

Pick a leg/thigh section and flip it over.  Pinch and feel for the joint.  A good sharp boning knife will "sing" through cartilage, but struggle through bone so... look for the white cartilage in the join and slice right through it.  Repeat for the other leg quarter and "Presto!"  You have 4 of your eight pieces done!

Back to the breast. Flip it over and use your thumb to get under the keel bone.  This is the big triangular bone that separates the breasts.  Work your thumb under it to loosen it a bit, and use your knife to work it loose and out of the bird.  This is your toughest cut and may require some practice.  Don't worry, you'll get there!  Open a beer with your clean "knife hand" and be prepared to celebrate!

With the keel bone out, you can now split the breast into its two respective half.  Easy-peasy.

Last cut?  Separation of the wing.  Who doesn't like the chicken wing?  Don't bag this step in favor of cooking a "breast/wing" quarter.  Just pick the breast up by the wing and let gravity show you where the joint is.  Feel for the cartilage (again) and slice right through the joint, taking the wing away.  There's more meat on the breast-side of the wing than you think, don't be afraid to cut a little deeper than it looks.

Now, take a quick break, toss the chicken pieces into a bowl and wash everything... the board, your knives, your counter top, and your hands.  Drink your celebratory beer and smile because the fun part is starting!

Light up your charcoal and pre-heat your grill.  Shove all of the charcoal against the side of your grill that draws air.  You want it burning nice and hot and a breath of fresh air coming into your pit will keep it blazing.

Close the lid and let it warm up.  Then go inside and massage your chicken!  Pour a solid glop of olive oil into your chicken bowl and rub it in.  Then shake on a generous amount of your chicken-rub.  Stir and flip the pieces over so they all get a nice coating.  Don't be shy!

O.K.  When chicken meats fire, normally you have to watch closely for flare-ups and hot spots and burning of chicken flesh, etc.  Not today!  Lay your chicken out as shown, larger pieces toward the heat, smaller pieces in the rear.  Notice the "Flow" of what's going on here... air comes in from the right, charcoal heats up, hot air moves over the chicken, and then out through the pit and up and out through the stack. 

Close the lid and wait.  This is harder than you think!  Your brain is screaming, "IT'S GOING TO BURN!! FLIP IT OVER, THERE'S FIRE IN THERE!"  I get it.  You've grilled a hundred chickens in your life, burnt at least one piece from every single one, and you KNOW that chicken fat breeds flame.  Not to worry, things will be fine, just make CERTAIN that the charcoal is NOT directly underneath the bird.

For a chicken this size, it took just a bit longer than an hour for everything to hit the target temperature.  I would wait for thirty minutes and then lift the lid and use a probe thermometer to check your progress.  Check it every ten minutes after that.  The larger pieces in the front deflect just a bit of the heat as it moves to the left.  Therefore, the smaller pieces don't overcook!  Everything should be ready at the same time.  When the breasts on the front-line touch 160 degrees, pull everything off and wrap/cover with foil for about ten minutes.

Results?  Crispy skin... super juicy meat... tasty heat and sweet spices... I touched mine with a hint of my favorite BBQ sauce and "Viola!"  You have created restaurant quality roast chicken, BBQ style!

Guacamole Stuffed Chicken Breast, with Bacon!

A pig, a chicken, and an avocado walk into a bar.... HA!  Just kidding.  This recipe is a bit strange.  Your head will say, "Avocados and chicken?  No way!" but your mouth will tell your head to "Shut right up, because this stuff is extra-primo super delicious!"

This dish is a lot simpler than it seems, and it's actually good for you sine Avocado is a "super food" and chicken is lean and, well, bacon is "good!"

You Will Need:

• 1 large chicken breast (skinless and boneless)
• 1 thin slice of bacon (maybe two)
• 1 solid batch of good Guacamole!
• Oven, Pre-Heat to 375

The first thing you'll need is an amazing batch of guacamole.  You'll need some to stuff into the chicken breasts, and you'll need something to snack on while you wait for the dish to come out of the oven, so... get started on that first!

Once your guac is done, rinse off your chicken breast and lay it out on the cutting board.  Lop off the cap from the bigger (non-tapered) end.  Keep the cap and cook it along with the rest of the breast, the bacon fat will render it quite delicious and it's a nice "bonus bite" for the chef!

Grab the breast in your "non-knife" hand and give it a squeeze to tighten it together.  Insert a sharp filet knife and cut a nice slit through the center of the end of the breast.  Use extreme care not to open your hand at this stage!  The chicken will be delicious, stuff with guacamole.  Your hand will not!

Pull out the knife, and insert your fingers.  Stretch the slit out a bit so that it becomes a nice hole.  Now comes the fun part... Use a spoon, a butter knife, or your fingers, and stuff that hole with guacamole!  You will get guacamole everywhere if you're not careful.  I've found that it's best to use a little bit at a time. 

It's a test of your patience, but you won't have guac all over your counter-top.  Also, you'll need to resist the urge to eat any guacamole spillage, since it's tainted with raw chicken breast.  For that reason, it's best not to scoop your "chicken hand" into the guacamole bowl!  You certainly don't want to ruin a fresh batch of guac with chicken juice...

Once you've stuff it, lay the chicken breast down, and tuck the ends under, so it's nice and pretty.  Wrap the chicken in a thin piece of bacon, to hold everything together.  Why thin bacon, and not thick?  Thin bacon stretches better, and crisps up a bit more quickly.  Use a toothpick if you need to, this can be a bit tricky...

Finally, the fun part!  Place a pan over Medium-High heat and let it get hot.  Lay your chicken down into the pan and listen to the sizzle!  Let them cook for 2 minutes on each side, just enough to let the bacon crisp up a little bit.  Then, slide the entire pan into your 375 degree oven, and close the lid for 15 minutes.

When the chicken comes out of the oven, it should be 165 degrees inside and the juice should be clear.  Slice and eat!  I find the salt from the bacon is enough to season the chicken.  The guacamole should be seasoned perfectly, going in.  All together, the mix of crispy bacon, soft guacamole, firm chicken... it's heaven!

Perfect Crock-Pot Roast

What's the first thing people cook when they buy a crock-pot?  Pot-roast, of course.  Let's face it, any "Schmo" with a crock-pot can assemble a pot-roast, and it would be edible.  Wouldn't you rather take a few extra minutes of time to include a few crucial steps that would turn an "edible" pot-roast into an "unforgettably tender and juicy" pot-roast?  Of course you would!

You Will Need:

• 1 Four to five pound Chuck Roast
• 3 Cups small round fingerling or new potatoes
• 5-7 Medium sized whole carrots, peeled and cut into 3" lengths
• 1 bag frozen pearl onions
• 1 Bottle of Pinot Noir or Cabernet Sauvignon (Very "Drinkable" but not too expensive)
• 2 Cups of quality beef broth
• 6 Whole cloves of garlic, crushed 

Disclaimer:  This recipe works for me because I think I have the largest crock-pot the average consumer can possibly get.  You may need to make adjustments, based on the size of your crock. Also, you may notice the plastic bag in this picture.  It's a crock-pot liner (my buddy Bill calls them "Crock-pot Condoms").  Don't knock them 'till you've tried them!  They enable you to clean your crock pot in less than ten seconds after the cooking is done!

Haul out your crock pot, add the liner, and dump in enough potatoes to cover the bottom.  Give them a very light coating of salt, and dump in your garlic, and maybe even a small handful of chopped green onions (if you're feeling "sexy").   

I'm just heart-broken that I can't find bone-in Chuck roasts anymore.  Bones are heavy, and they're eliminated in 99% of commercial shipments of beef nowadays, because we need to get that stock price up another penny or so, to satisfy Wall Street investors, right?  If you can't get your hands on a bone-in roast, go with a well-marbled Chuck that doesn't have a thick ribbon of fat running right through the middle.

Do not buy a Rump Roast, or a "Top Round" roast... Get "Chuck!"  It's from the shoulder.  Chuck roast is beautifully marbled with gobs of fat and connective tissue, two necessary ingredients to a flavorful juicy roast (I didn't say it was 'lean,' I said it was 'delicious!').  If it does have a bone in it, the bone will look like a number "7" (cross section of the shoulder blade).  Get the one with the longest "tail" on the 7 (that will be the closest to the neck, and more tender).  Generously salt all sides of the roast. 

Meanwhile, get a heavy pan (cast iron is best) and add some olive oil to the bottom and turn the heat to HIGH!  When it's super hot, lay in the roast and listen as it sizzles!  You want to put a nice brown crust on both sides, it should take about 4 minutes per side.  Use some long tongs to flip it over.  

Once both sides are brown, gently move it from the pan to the crock, laying it right in the middle, on top of the potatoes.  During the cook, the fat will render and precious juices will rain down over the potatoes, smothering them with goodness and wonder.  Using this method, the potatoes will soak up the flavor of the garlic, salt, meat juice, fat, wine, and they'll taste fantastic!  Potatoes should taste like flavorful potatoes and not like bland blobs that have to be covered with gravy to be eaten!

Do not worry if your roast stuck to your pan.  In fact, get excited when your roast sticks to the bottom of your pan!  Why?  "Fond!"  The French call the burnt crusty pieces of "Stuff" that sticks to the pan, "Fond."  We want the fond in our crock pot because there's a ton of alcohol soluble flavors in there so... how do we get alcohol soluble flavors to unlock themselves?  With Alcohol, of course!  Open your bottle of wine, take a sip, and get ready...

Pour about 1/4th of your wine into the pan.  Be careful, it will sizzle, pop, and steam!  Some of the alcohol vapor may catch fire as it leaves the liquid, don't worry, just wait a sec and it will burn itself out!  Stir it all around and scrape the bottom of the pan with a heavy spoon to break everything loose.  Keep the heat up!

Now, pour about 1/2 of the remaining wine into the pot.  Stir and cook it until it reduces a little bit.  When it's ready, pour the entire contents of the pan over the roast.  Notice now, that you have a healthy glass of wine left in your bottle... This is an excellent time to pour it into the nearest glass and to begin to drink it!  Things are going so well, you've earned it, and you'll need fortification to clean up your kitchen soon so, bottoms up!

Time to talk about carrots.  Do I really need to convince you to use "real" carrots, instead of those waxy carrot-pellet things?  Honestly, fresh carrots are tender, sweet, flavorful, they taste like carrots and they impart some sugars and great flavors to the roast.  Those waxy "Carrot Nuggets" you can buy don't have any real flavor at all.  Avoid them.  You'll thank me...

Peel and cut your carrots and arrange them around the roast.  I like to build a "Carrot Fence" around the roast.  It leaves plenty of room for the onions to go on top!  Once the carrots are in, its time to pour on the broth! 

Don't ruin this roast with weak, canned beef broth.  Use some quality bouillon!  I love this stuff!  It has little bits of actual beef in it, the flavor is hearty, and it doesn't bring too much salt to the party.  Plus, most grocery stores carry it, so it's easy to find... bonus!  Mix up a couple of cups and pour it over your roast, just until the wine/broth juice creeps up to 1/4 inch below the lip of the pot.  

Add a bag of frozen pearl onions, then season them with a bit of salt and pepper.  I like white pepper, and a bit of creole seasoning, but your mileage may vary.  

Turn the crock-pot on "Low" and walk away from it for 8 or 9 (yes, eight or nine) whole hours.  We're talking about 5lbs of beef here, not only do we want to cook it, but we also want to break down and render out the fat and connective tissues so... let the pot work it's magic!  After 8 hours, turn it down to "Warm" and leave it alone for another hour.  This will let it "rest" for a bit. When you're ready to serve it, gently take it out of the crock with a pair of tongs.  Be careful, it will probably fall apart.  Arrange it on a platter, and then arrange your vegetables around the edge.  Slice the roast coarsely across the grain so that people can serve themselves a portion (or two) using the tongs.  Pour a few ladles of Au-jus over the top, and carry it to the table!

Notice that there is no recipe for gravy, here.  If you did this correctly, your roast will be wonderfully tender and very VERY moist!  There should be no need for gravy.  After all, a roast should taste like, well, "Roast!"  It shouldn't taste like gravy... 

Fantastic Fajitas!

I'm a bit of a "traditionalist" when it comes to fajitas.  The Spanish word "Faja" means, "strip" or "belt."  Cows have a diaphragm muscle that expands and contracts to help them breathe, just like we do.  The lower portion of this muscle is called the "strip."  Traditionally, this is called the "Fajita" and the Tex-Mex dish we've all come to love, is based on this cut of meat.

Now while I recognize that technically, chickens and shrimp don't have a "Faja" muscle and a sliced chicken breast in no way a true "Fajita" will make; BUT, you won't offend me if you call them "Chicken Fajitas" and serve them to me on a homemade flour tortilla with a bit of good guacamole... LET'S GET TO IT!

You Will Need:

• Beef Skirt Steak (not Flank steak, and not Sirloin)
• Worcestershire sauce
• Your favorite steak seasoning
• Chili Powder 
• 4-6 Skinless Boneless Chicken Breasts

Other Elements:

• Guacamole
• Onion/Pepper medley (Grilled)
• Sour Cream
• Cilantro
• Cheese
• Pico-de-Gallo 
• Flour Tortillas (Freshly cooked, homemade is best.  Go out of your way to find them)

Good fajitas start with good steak.  GREAT fajitas start with a good SKIRT steak!  Have a look at this gnarly belt of meat.  It's hard to believe that we're about to transform it into some of the most tender, spicy, and delicious fajitas you can imagine, but that's exactly what we're going to do!  Some stores will try to pass Flank steak off as "fajita steak" but don't you dare fall for it.  Ask the meat guy specifically for "Skirt Steak!"

First things first; notice that there is quite a bit of loose fat, and probably a good bit of the membrane around this muscle.  It has to go!  You can peel most of it away with your bare hands, but you may need a flexible filet knife to "shave" off some of the more stubborn pieces.  Take your time.

Don't try to take all of the fat (fat = flavor), but you do want to remove the larger globs and as much of that tough membrane as you can.  Then, slice the skirt into smaller 4-6 inch strips.  We'll eventually be slicing these across the grain once they're cooked, so you'll want to set your target to the size you want your fajita strips to be for serving.

Generously sprinkle each steak with Worcestershire, and a liberal shake of your steak seasoning, and some of the chili powder.  Make sure you cover both sides!  Stack them up on top of each other and set them aside to marinate while you concentrate on your chicken...

Chicken breasts are fairly thick when you pull them out of the package.  We want them to be as thin as the fajita steaks for even cooking and for a better presentation so... spread some olive oil onto each side, cover them with a layer of plastic wrap, and gently pound them out with the smooth side of a mallet.  Notice; my mallet (pictured) has some nicks in it.  My wife did this, pounding a nail into the wall to hang a picture.  I can't talk about it.....

Once your chicken breasts are nice and flat, season them with salt and a bit of the chili powder.  Stack them together so they can marinate while you get your fire going!

Time to make fire!  I believe that the flavor that a good wood/charcoal fire brings to the table is head/shoulders above propane gas.  This is 100x more true when it comes to fajitas!  You'll want a HOT fire here and the goal is to sear the outside quickly while the inside cooks up juuuust enough to be "done."

I do the chicken first.  About 3 minutes per side over a 700 degree fire brought my chicken's internal temperature up to 160 degrees.  Perfect.  Take them off and let them sit in a warmer while you do the same to the beef.

Lay out your steaks and let them sizzle for 3-5 minutes per side.  Keep an eye on the grain of the meat and which direction it's going.  After the meat comes off the heat, let it rest (wrapped in foil) for about ten minutes.

After a good rest, it is super important to cut the steaks into strips, across the grain!  The yellow cut marks in the picture should help.  If you cut with the grain, you'll be serving long strips of muscle that are difficult to chew.  When you cut across the grain, these strips are severed and they tend to fall apart much more easily!  This makes for an easier bite and a delicious "chew!"

Once you've sliced your steaks (and your chicken), they should be served immediately, while they're still warmed.  To add flourish, you can slide all of the slices into a hot cast-iron skillet and whisk them to the table while they're still sizzling!

The chicken should be sliced as thinly as your beef, just for a better presentation.  Personally, I prefer the beef, wrapped in a soft warm flour tortilla with some grilled onions, cilantro, and a schmear of good guacamole!

Smoked Turkey Breast (for all the right reasons)

Turkey meat that is super-juicy, tender, well seasoned, and perfectly prepared is a treat.  So, why is it so hard to get it exactly right, every single time?  Well, turkeys present a bit of a conundrum...

Here's the problem... White meat is done at 160 degrees F.  Dark meat isn't safely cooked until it hits 180 degrees.  Why would anyone overcook (and dry out) the white-meat by 20 degrees, just to get the legs and thighs up to the proper temperature?  I say... "Don't!"

You Will Need:

• 2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
• 1/4 Cup apple cider
• 3/4 Cup honey
• 1 (12-ounce) bottle beer
• 1 TBSP salt
• 1/2 Cup Tony Chachere's Creole Spice
• 1/2 Cup olive oil
• 3 Fresh (or thawed) Turkey Breasts

A quick word about the Turkey Breasts... do NOT get the "Turkey Roast" or "Turkey Loaf" pack from the store.  You want the twin breasts, with bones, just as they came from the Turkey. The label should say something like "Turkey Breast with some back and wing meat."  I find that three of these will fit very nicely into one of those full sized foil pans you can get for $1.

When you get your breasts home, thaw them out.  Once they are thawed, open them up and drain them, then rinse them well and pat them dry.  Notice that they haven't been split open... this makes them wobbly and they have a hard time standing up on their own.  Splitting them open increases the surface area for cooking, and helps them be more stable in the pan.

Rotate the breast so that the narrow end is pointing up (shown here, at the right).  With a good pair of poultry or kitchen-sheers, snip out the remnant of the backbone that's left. Grab the two vertical plates from the ribs (one in each hand) and lay the breast down, pressing on both sides.  You'll hear a "POP" as the wishbone breaks and the breasts split open and away from the keel bone.  

Once it's been split, you can lay it down (skin side up).  Repeat the process for all of the breasts and get them situated in the pan.  Snug them up next to each other so they can commiserate in their misfortune!  Wash your hands and grab a couple of beers, one for you and one for the injection...

Mix all of the ingredients for the injection together in a bowl.  I use a whisk and I mix very thoroughly!  Don't expect the seasonings to dissolve and don't expect the mixture to come together into a nice homogeneous liquid.  It won't!  You'll need to whisk and mix every time you fill the injection syringe!

Fill the syringe (available at most any grocery store, Amazon, etc) and start shooting up your breasts!  This is "Breast Augmentation" of the finest order!  If you over-inject and some leaks out into the bottom of the pan, worry not, you'll be pouring the rest of the injection into the bottom of the pan!  I give a total of 4 injections (2 on the left, and 2 on the right) to each breast.

Now, once your breasts have been injected, pour the rest of the liquid over the breasts and into the pan.  Insert a probe thermometer into each breast (if you have that many probes, do it!), or into the largest breast if you only have one probe.  Place the pan into your oven or smoker, and bring the heat to 250 degrees.  The trick is to slow-cook these wonders up to 160 degrees, AND NOT A SINGLE DEGREE MORE!!

When they hit 160, pull them out and cover everything with foil.  Let them sit there, nice and quiet (away from the reach of your hound-dog, if you have one like mine).  They'll probably carry-over to 163 or so, no big deal.  After 30 minutes, you should be able to carve them up.  Cut them right down the middle, then cut each breast laterally, so that a juicy piece of the skin goes with each bite, as shown (below).  You will LOVE this turkey!  I've been told by several families that I've cooked this for, that "It was the best turkey they had ever eaten!"