Chicken Fried Mountain Lion! (Yes, Mountain Lion)

Normally, I have great respect for Mountain Lions. Any animal that is fast enough to chase down a 200lb Mule Deer for supper, and strong enough to carry the carcass 20 feet up into a Ponderosa Pine tree to stash it for later, well, I'd salute it.  But... when a local rancher is trying to make a living raising cattle, and that same animal keeps stealing his product?  It needs to go!  Especially when the Parks and Wildlife Dept. legally declares it a nuisance animal.  What do you do?  You EAT it!!

Chicken Fried Mountain Lion

Big cats bring several challenges to a Chef's cutting board:

They can carry trichinosis, so they need to be cooked to 160 or better, and it's hard to keep things tender at those temperatures.

They are super-lean!  You don't see many fat cats strolling through the woods, so you need to bring your own fat to the party if you want any flavor enhancement.

They're skinny!  Butchers won't find any roasts on these animals, they break down into Lion Steaks or cutlets, and lots of ground meat for Lion-Burgers.

Me?  I made Chicken Fried Lion Steaks and a huge pile of Mountain Lion Tacos!  Let's do this!

You will need:

• 1.5 Cups Panko Bread Crumbs
• 2 Cups Flour
• 3 Eggs
• 1 Cup of Milk
• Salt and Pepper

I was working with a total of 4 cutlets.  As you can see, there's not a lot of fat here.  They present a lot like pork cutlets, and they were very similar in taste and texture.  They were thick, so to successfully fry them in a pan, they were going to have to get a lot thinner!

Slip them into a zip-top bag and get a kitchen mallet with a smooth side.  Start pounding, gently!  The goal here is to have a nice cutlet, about 1/4" thick, that is completely uniform in thickness.

It helps if you place the meat so that the grain is perpendicular to the surface that you're pounding on.  Once you're finished with the mallet, leave the cutlets in the bag while you get your dredge station ready.

Notice, I use my sink as the first stage in my dredge.  I put the flour in the sink (it makes a mess anyway, so why get another bowl dirty?).  Whisk your eggs together vigorously before adding the milk, and season the cutlets with salt and pepper. 

The cutlets are dredged in flour first, then the egg mix, then the Panko bread crumbs, then onto a clean plate.  These little beauties are ready to hit the fat!

Get out your biggest skillet (don't you just LOVE my cast iron pan?) and add about 1/4" of olive oil.  Bring it up to about 350 degrees over medium high heat.

Lay in the cutlets and watch them sizzle!  They'll need to cook on the first side for about 6 minutes.  Flip them over with tongs, when that first side is golden brown.

After you turn them, drop the heat to medium and let them cook until the interior temperature hits 160 degrees!  Slide them onto a pan and let them cool a bit before serving.

You could make some gravy with 2Tbsp of the fat from the pan, 2 Tbsp of flour from the sink (whisked thoroughly) and 1.5 Cups of whole milk, heated slowly until it thickens. 

I really enjoyed these!  If you'd have blind-folded me, I'd have sworn they were pork cutlets!  Is this enough to entice me to seek out a Mountain Lion permit every year, to hunt?  Probably not... but if I were the rancher, there's no better sweet revenge than to sink your teeth into your adversary's butt!  Literally...

Kick-Ass Homemade Taco Seasoning!

The other day, Taco Tuesday fell right onto Cinco de Mayo and BOY, did we ever make some tacos!  It struck me that most folks choose to buy their taco seasoning in those little envelopes from the pre-mixed spice aisle at the grocery store... That stuff is NASTY!  It's worse than the "Gravy" packets they sell.  Gross.  Time to make your own!!

Seriously, this stuff could NOT be easier to make.  I always have a Mason Jar of the stuff stashed in the pantry for Taco emergencies.  Let's do this!

You Will Need:

• 2 Tbsp Chili Powder
• 1 Tbsp Cumin
• 1 Tbsp Onion Powder
• 1 Tbsp Garlic Powder
• 1 Tbsp Smoked Paprika
• 1 Tbsp Kosher Salt
• 1 Tbsp Jalapeno Powder  (optional, but delicious)
• 2 tsp Black Pepper
• 2 tsp Corn Starch

Simply mix all of this together in a bowl, and slide it into a container with a tight lid.  It will keep for 6 months, but it won't last that long!

Taco Goodness

To use it, just mix 2 Tablespoons of it with 1/4 cup of cold water.  Stir like crazy.  Brown 1lb of ground beef, drain the fat, and then pour in your spice mix.  Simmer over low heat until it all thickens together in a glorious skillet full of taco goodness.

Serve on crunchy shells, flour torts, or corn "street" tortillas with cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, guacamole, or whatever you like!

 

Fresh, EASY Homemade Bread!

Well, here we are.  The Zombies aren't here (yet) but we're in the midst of a Pandemic.  It's crazy to see the kinds of things that people are buying up at the grocery store.  I don't know about you, but my stores are out of flour and yeast, but the bread aisle is packed with commercial offerings!?  In any event, it seemed like a good time to teach myself how to bake:

What beats fresh warm homemade bread?

There are a zillion types of Chefs out there.  Pitmasters, Pastry Chefs (Patissier), Sauce Chefs (Saucier), Vegetable Chefs (Entremetier), did you know there's even a Fish Chef? (Poissonier)!  So of course, there's a bread chef (a Peshawar)!

Baking was a real challenge to me (and it continues to be).  Bakers are more like chemists, as far as I'm concerned.  When I'm smoking a 22lb Brisket, I can play fairly fast and loose with the rub, the trim, the wood... even the heat, to a certain extent.  NOT TRUE when it comes to gluten, dough, yeast, and well; BREAD!  I've taken a very long and difficult recipe and baked it a LOT of times (don't ask), but I believe I've simplified it to where anybody can do this!!

You Will Need:

• The Yeast
• 2 and 1/4 level Teaspoons of active dry yeast
• 1 level Cup of lukewarm water (110 degrees)
• 1 level Tablespoon of sugar
• The Dry
• 19.5oz of All Purpose Flour
• 1 and 1/4 Teaspoons of Salt
• 2 Tablespoons of Sugar
• The Wet 
• 1/3 Cup lukewarm water
• 1/2 Tablespoon of white vinegar
• 2 Tablespoons of regular salted butter, melted

Before we even get started, you have to understand something.  These ingredients need to be measured EXACTLY!  19.5oz of All Purpose flour means getting a scale and measuring exactly 19.5oz?!  That being said, I'm aware that not everyone has a scale.  All I can say is, if you're going to start baking; it's probably time to get one!

First things first.  How active is your yeast?  Time to pull that jar off the shelf and find out!  Pour the Cup of warm water into your mixing bowl and stir in the sugar until it's dissolved.  Sprinkle the yeast over the top and gently stir it in.  It will look like muddy water, but not for long...

If your yeast hasn't been sitting on the shelf for 3 years, it should still be alive!  Leave this bowl alone for 15 minutes.  Things will start happening.  Cool things!  First, you'll smell it... a mix of beer and bread.  You'll look back to the bowl and "Presto," It... IS... ALIIIVE!!  The yeast will start to consume the sugar and belch out some CO2 gas that smells terrific.  It will grow and turn into a thick foamy mass.  When you see that it's foamy and bubbly, it is SAFE to begin the rest of the process.

Mix all of the Dry ingredients in another bowl.  Measure them exactly!  Bread is "chemistry" and the difference between "Amazing success with a crispy chewy crust and the perfect distribution of bubbles, etc," and "a bland blob of goo with a burnt crust" is an ounce of this or a 1/2tsp of that.  So... be careful and precise!

Mix the Wet ingredients together in a cup.  When the dry is ready, and the wet is ready, pour the wet over the yeast in your mixing bowl, snap on the dough hook, and turn it on to a LOW setting while you slowly add the dry ingredients from the Dry bowl.  Let the mixer do its work on LOW for a couple of minutes and once everything is incorporated and you're sure it won't get flung all over the kitchen, bump the speed up to medium-low.


Let it spin for 5 minutes.  Eventually, it should look a bit like a smooth tornado, spinning around your bowl on the doug-hook.  If you see the base of the "tornado" stuck to the bottom of the bowl, it's PERFECT!  If it's trying to crawl up the hook and out of the bowl, add a bit of water.  Literally 1/2tsp of water at a time, watching it.  If it's a wet mess, sprinkle in a tsp of flour every minute or two until it's right!

Continue to let the mixer knead the dough with the dough-hook for ten more minutes.  Why should YOU do the work?  This is why you wrote that check for the Kitchen-aid mixer, right??  While it's working, smear some Olive Oil around a shiny new bowl.  When the timer DINGS, rub some Olive Oil onto your hands, and "sternly convince" your dough ball off of the hook and into the new bowl.  Cover it tightly with plastic wrap and leave it somewhere to rise for ONE HOUR.

Where should you leave it?  Great question.  If your oven has a "Proof" setting, go for it!!  This will bump your oven to a near 100 degree setting, and it's perfect for proofing dough.  If you don't have a Proof setting, I've found that placing the ball on the counter under a light is good, too.

An hour later, the ball should be twice its size!  Check this picture against the previous dough-ball picture.  If it's not this big, let it rise for another half-hour.  It will get there!  Never argue with chemistry, or with live yeast!  I've seen live yeast blow a glass beer bottle all over my garage so I know they can get mad if they want to...

Get your bread pan out, and butter or oil the bottom and sides.  Sprinkle some flour out, in front of your pan.  Roll the dough out onto the floured surface (it will be nice and warm).  Punch it down and flatten it into a rectangle that is as wide as your pan.  If you wanted, you could sprinkle some added ingredients at this time.  Some cinnamon and raisins maybe, or some chopped fresh jalapeno and cheddar cheese?

Roll the rectangle up into a cylinder that's exactly as wide as your pan.  Gently lift and place the dough into the pan, and press it around so that it uniformly covers the bottom of the pan.  Spray a bit of Pam onto some plastic wrap, and LOOSELY cover it with the plastic before placing it back into it's Happy Place to rise again.  Proof it (let it rise) for another 45 minutes to an hour.  Keep an eye on it.  Whenever it's risen an inch or so above the lip of the pan, you're ready to bake it!

Bake it in a pre-heated 375 degree oven until it's done.  When does that happen?  Well, "chemistry" again... It all depends on humidity, elevation, your oven, and other factors.  Basically, I start checking it after 30 minutes.  When the top is a nice golden brown, give it 5 more minutes and then take it out and let it cool, in the pan, on the counter for 20 minutes.

Take it out of the pan and ENJOY it!  Remember, we didn't add any preservatives so... It won't last more than 3-5 days, tops.  I keep mine in a plastic bag which helps, a bread-box would be ideal.  Fresh bread doesn't usually last more than 48 hours here so, I don't worry about storage too much! 

Lobster Roll! or "When the Roll is Called up Yonder, I'll have Lobster!"

What's better than this?

At my house, "leftover lobster" is a bit of a myth.  It's just not available.  Ever.  It's like finding a Narwhal horn or a Walrus tusk while you're hunting for sand-dollars on a beach in Florida... NOT going to happen!  SO, when I buy Lobster, I ALWAYS buy an extra one, just to ensure I'll have enough to make a couple of Lobster Rolls the next day.   Why not?  They're AMAZING!  Let's get started:

You Will Need:

• 1.5lbs cooked lobster meat, coarsely chopped
• 1/2 Cup high-quality mayonnaise (check the top shelf at the grocery store)
• 1 Tsp Dill
• 1/2 Cup celery, chopped fine
• 3/4 Bundle, green onions, chopped fine
• Juice of 1 Lemon
• Hoagie Rolls, get them from the bakery!  Nice and crispy on top, soft in the middle

Ok, I'm certain that there are some Lobster Roll "purists" out there from Maine, Connecticut, Maryland, etc.  While I'm aware that there are rules in play, and that your recipes for Lobster Rolls differ from region to region just like your "Clam Chowdahs" do, I present my own recipe here; not to pay respect to one region or another, but simply to present what I think is a super delicious bad-ass recipe that tastes sensational.  Therefore... if you choose bring your uppity attitude from the East Coast with you today, you can dig up a fresh clam from your local beach and suck it!

This all starts with a couple of fresh lobsters.  Pick out a couple of lively lads and bring them home.  I like to work with lobsters that are at least 1.5lbs.  I'll grab 2lb ones if I can.  The bigger ones are easier to work with when it comes time to pluck the meat out.  Also, there's a bit of extra meat on hand for "snacking" while you assemble the dish so... look for the larger ones!

Goodness knows, I love to grill lobster!  But that's another show.  For this recipe, I think it's best to simply steam them.  Get a big pot ready and fill the bottom 2" with salted water and bring it to a boil.

If it bothers you a little when it comes time to say "Goodbye" to these creatures, it may help you to remember that they are fairly closely related to cockroaches.  Definitely more "bug" than "sentient being," they fail to tug on my heart-strings when it's time for them to be dispatched.  Just drop them in the pot and say, "Bye," and put on the lid.  It takes exactly 18 minutes to cook two 2lb lobsters in the steamer.  It's difficult to over-cook them in steam though, so you might want to go to 20 to be 100% sure.  While boiling can result in tougher meat, steaming is fairly bullet-proof.

Pull them out of the pot and let them cool.  Now, think about the presentation of your Lobster Rolls.  Are they for guests, or do you intend to simply build the sandwich and honk it down?  If important people are involved, it's a super nice touch to garnish the sandwich with a full, un-molested lobster claw.  Did you know that lobsters are left or right handed?  The larger crushing claw is the dominant hand.  Most are right handed, I guess I was lucky to get a southpaw!  Anyway, if you pull off the claw and give it a swift "Thwack" with the back of your knife, you should be able to gently pop the shell open and wiggle the claw meat out, whole (if you want).

The rest is easy!  Super easy!  Just extract the tail meat, knuckle meat, and any other meat you have the patience to pull out, and roughly chop it into course "small bite" sized pieces and toss it into a bowl.  Using a rubber spatula, gently add the mayo, and the other ingredients.  Stir and fold carefully, adding a bit of this or that as you see fit.  Park it in the fridge to marinate for at least an hour (better overnight).  When it's time to build the roll, grab a nice hoagie and slice it in half.  Use the "Bagel" setting on your toaster and toast just the inside.  Brush it with melted butter, then scoop on the Lobster Salad!  SOOO Good!  Even better with a nice crisp I.PA.

Prime Rib

"Prime Rib."  What else can I say?  Whether it's the Christmas Season or you were just really hungry, Prime Rib is an excellent choice for any party, and it's a lot easier than you might think!

If you've ever thought, "I can't manage such a huge chunk of meat," then think again!  If you've stumbled to this page via Google, then please... I implore you... just ONE MORE click!!

I want to cook a whole BONELESS rib.

I want to cook a whole BONE-IN rib.

Jalapeno Jelly

Different cooks and chefs specialize in different disciplines.  Me?  I'm a meat guy, without a doubt!  Give me an apron, a board, a cleaver, and a carcass and I'm right at home!  But mention "Pastry" or "Canning" to me?  You may see my left eye twitch a bit, and my grip tighten on my cleaver...

Nevertheless, I will occasionally try my best to bake a pie or to pickle some veggies.  Here lately, my wife convinced me to try and make some jelly.  Sweet/Hot jalapeno pepper jelly, to be exact!  Here's the result.

Now, I'll certainly write up this recipe, but I'm going to make some assumptions:

Assumptions:

• You have all of the equipment necessary to do some proper canning
• Sterilization pot with rack
• grippers
• canning funnel 
• jars, lids, rings
• You are aware of basic canning terms and procedures
• Sterilization
• Head Space
• Air removal

If you have all of these things and you're excited about getting your kitchen dirty and sticky in the name of GREAT pepper jelly, then read on!

You will need:

• 4 Cups of finely diced mixed jalapeno chili peppers
• 1 cup Apple Cider Vinegar
• 1.75 oz package powdered pectin
• 5 cups granulated white sugar
• 6 8 oz canning jars

"What kind of peppers," you ask?  (Yes, I heard you).  That depends.  I like my pepper jelly HOT so I use a mix of jalapenos, serranos, and a poblano or two.  This is entirely up to you!  Mix in a handful of Habeneros if you want!  I would say that my mix is 3 cups of Jalapenos and a cup of mixed banana peppers and other chilis off the vine from my wife's garden.

Instructions

Using your canning equipment, sterilize six 8oz canning jars and lids in boiling water.  Meanwhile, chop and dice your peppers into the tiniest chunks you can.  Wear gloves, or you'll regret it the next time you have to wipe your eyes or go to the bathroom!  When your cans and peppers are ready...

Place all of the peppers into a large saucepan and kick the spurs to HIGH heat.  Add the vinegar and bring to a boil.  Stir for a minute or two.  

Now, remove it from the heat just long enough to add the sugar and the pectin.  Stir to dissolve and return it to the heat.  Stir constantly over a rolling boil for two minutes, after the sugar and pectin have completely dissolved! 

Is everything sticky yet?  it will be.... 

OK, things get fairly "time sensitive" at this point... Quickly (but carefully) ladle the jelly into your jars.  Leave about 1/4" of "head space" at the top.  If necessary, wipe the rim of the jar clean and drop on a flat lid, then screw on the ring/band tightly.  Set it aside and repeat with the rest of the jars.

Now, place jars back into the canner with the hot water. Submerge the jars so that the water completely covers the lids.  Bring the water up to a boil and "process" the jars for a period of 5 minutes PLUS your high-altitude adjustment value.  So, for example, if you live at 6,800 feet of elevation like I do, you'll boil the jars for a total of 25 minutes.. If you're at sea level, 5 minutes of boiling should set you right.

Remove the jars and set them on a towel on the counter.  As they cool, the lids will POP down and seal them!  They should be set and ready for storage, distribution, and/or consumption by the next morning!

NOTE!  You may be tempted to "Double" this recipe.  DON'T DO IT!!  As nice as it would be to only have to bring out your canning hardware once for a double batch, science and chemistry are against you!  It is extremely difficult to get 3.5oz of pectin to heat/distribute properly and there's a 99% chance that your jelly won't set.  If you want Pepper Syrup, go for it.... but the smart money is on the one batch at a time!