Smoked Heritage Turkey (Southern Style)

Not too long ago, my friend Tammie asked me if I'd be interested in cooking one of the heritage turkeys that she had on her farm.  I JUMPED at the chance!!  A heritage turkey is a domestic turkey that has kept the historic characteristics that have been bred out of the majority of turkeys raised for consumption since the mid-20th century.

Modern domestic "Butterballs" have been fed, raised, and processed with genetically modified food, chemicals, and methods for generations now, and they barely even resemble their forefathers.  If you want to pump the brakes on this over-processed poultry, and want to try some honest-to-goodness "old school" bird, then pay attention!  This bird was delicious and it was packed with wholesale wholesome goodness, but there are a couple of things to be aware of if you want to get the most out of one when  you set it on your table!  Let's do this:

You Will Need:

• For the Brine
• 1.5 Gallons of clean water
• 10lbs bag of ice
• 3 Cups of Kosher Salt
• 2 Cups of Brown Sugar
• 3 Oranges, cut into chunks, squeezed into the brine, peel and all
• 3 Tbsp Peppercorns
• 3 Tbsp Chili Powder or Red Pepper Flakes
• For the Bird
• Olive Oil
• Creole Seasoning

First things first, this turkey is NOT processed, injected with salt solution, brined, and frozen "for your convenience."  When you go to the farm to pick up your bird, there's a very good chance you'll find it hanging from a hook, freshly butchered, plucked, and ready for you to take over.  Forget about the giblets because these birds were raised on a farm with access to gravel, sand, and other "goodies" that they stuff into their gizzards that make human consumption impossible!  The rest of the bird, however, is a real treasure so when you arrive to pick up the bird, you should be ready!

What does that mean?  Well, it means you'll need a vessel to carry the bird in, and since it's fresh, you should be ready to cook it in the next day or so!  Therefore, mix all of the brine ingredients together in a pot on your stove.  Dissolve all of the salt and sugar, and let it simmer for 15 minutes or so, to wake up the orange peel and the spices.  Let it cool and pour it into a cooler with a good airtight lid!  Buy a 10lb bag of ice and head to the farm!

At the farm, grab the turkey and lay him (or her) directly into the cooler, and dump on your bag of ice!  The bird should be covered.  Close the lid, pay the farmer, give her a hug, and head back home.  Leave the bird in the brine right there in the cooler for 24 hours!  The ice will keep the bacteria away and the brine will season the bird.  You might want to check on it every 8 hours or so, and turn it, so that all of the parts stay submerged.

With the brining over, after 24 hours, it's time to prep and cook!

One word of caution before we begin... if you have any phobias or misgivings about touching raw poultry, you'd better get over it.  You're about to go full "butcher" on your turkey.  You're going to get gooey, bloody, and dirty.  It will all be OK, trust me!  You have soap and water and a sink, and it will all be over soon enough!  Now, muster up some courage.  Grab your shears, lay the bird, breast side down, onto a cutting board, and snip out the spine.  Take your time, and cut along both edges of the backbone.  You need strong fingers, so you may need some help with this part.

Now, while the turkey is still sitting with the breast side down, use your hands to flatten or "open" the turkey.  I like to remove the breast bone (or "keel" bone).  This is a thick bone that runs right down the middle of the turkey, between the breasts.  To remove it, you will need to use a filet knife to cut the breast meat away from it, and you'll need some strong fingers to pull it up and out.  Removal of the breast bone it not necessary, but it will make carving much easier, later.

Once the spine is out, the hard work is done.  Cut the "leg-thigh" quarters away from the breasts (this is easy since there are no bones to cut), and cut the wings off as well.  You should have:  one large "twin breast" section, two wings, a left leg-thigh quarter, and a right leg-thigh quarter.  Arrange them in a pan, starting with the breasts first (as shown).  The breasts, leg quarters, and wings should all fit into a large roasting pan like a jigsaw puzzle.  Rub all of the parts of the bird with a generous supply of Olive Oil, then sprinkle with some southern creole seasoning.






Now, set the pan aside and wash your hands, wrists, elbows, shears, your counter-top, and anything else you put your turkey-hands on!  Use soap, Clorox Wipes, and dry everything with a clean towel.  Take a deep breath, pour yourself a glass of wine and have a look at what you've done!  You've prepped a bird, restaurant style, in such a fashion that you'll be able to cook it in half the time, cover it with foil, transport it to your venue, and serve it to the amazement of your guests, all without getting a single other thing dirty!  Relax, the hard part is over!!

The rest is easy.  It's time to slow-cook this bird to perfection.  Jam a temperature probe into the deepest part of the thigh, and set the alarm for 170 degrees.  I put mine in a smoker (next to a ham, to keep it company), and I brought the heat up to 250 degrees.  Yes, TWO hundred fifty.  Why so low?  Well, you've dis-assembled the bird, so much more of the surface is exposed to the heat.  We don't want to blast the outside with so much heat that it begins to lose moisture.  Think more along the lines of "Crock Pot braising" and less "heat blasting."  This 22lb turkey was done in under 5 hours with the roasting temperature set to 250 degrees.

When it's done, pull it out and cover it tightly with foil to let it rest.  Allow 30-45 minutes for a good rest.  Carving is super-duper simple!  Just pull the legs up and they will fall away from the thigh all by themselves.  SUPER tasty!  Separate the breasts and cut them laterally.  Notice that there is a substantial layer of fat on a heritage bird!  IT WAS DELICIOUS and it keeps the meat super moist!  This turkey was entirely different than a "modern" store-bird.  How?  IT HAD FLAVOR!!  It was very rich, very moist, and like no other turkey I've baked, smoked, fried, or roasted!  My guests (14 of them) simply annihilated this turkey!  It was completely gone and eaten in under 20 minutes!  We didn't need gravy, we didn't need stuffing, and we didn't even need a knife!  The pieces just fell apart and couldn't have been any tastier!

"Skirted" Grilled Cheese Sandwich

Looks good, eh?  I wanted a grilled cheese sandwich, but I didn't want a "classic" grilled cheese sandwich.  What to do?

This is a short article, and it's really all about the method, more than the ingredients.  Want to turn your grilled cheese up to 11?  I give you the "Ten Steps to the Perfect Grilled Cheese Sandwich!"  Let's do it:

You Will Need:

• A non-stick pan
• 2 slices of your favorite bread (I used whole grain wheat)
• 2 slices of American cheese
• 1 handful of shredded colby-jack cheese
• 1 Fresh Jalapeno, sliced
• 1/2 stick of butter (softened)

1. Place the pan on the burner, turn the burner to MEDIUM heat and melt 3/4 of the butter in the pan.  Toss in the jalapenos and let them sweat for awhile.  If you hear them "sizzle," the pan is too hot!  Let them soften and let the butter tame some of the heat in them.
2. Meanwhile, place both slices of American cheese onto slice 1 of the bread.  Top with slice 2 and spread the rest of the butter on the top of slice 2.
3. Top the butter with your handful of shredded cheese.  So, from the bottom up you should have: bread, 2x American cheese, bread, butter, shredded cheese.
4. Move the Jalapeno slices to the outer edge and push as much of the melted butter back into the middle of the pan.  
5. Carefully slide the sandwich off of a stiff spatula and into the pan.
6. Leave the heat on Medium and WATCH YOUR SANDWICH!  Do NOT go anywhere!  Let the butter do its magic on the bread and let the bread toast and caramelize, but do NOT let it burn.  Lift the corner every so often to check it. 
7. When it's GBD (Golden Brown, and Delicious), gird your loins and get ready for the fun part... in one swift motion, get the spatula under the sandwich, and quickly (but carefully), flip it over!! 
8. The cheese that you liberally sprinkled on top should now be on the bottom, in direct contact with the pan.  You should be staring at the perfectly toasted "bottom" of the sandwich.
9. Let the cheese on the bottom melt and spread out from under the sandwich a bit.  Let it caramelize and turn brown (not black).  You'll know when it's ready because your spatula will slide right under it.
10. Flip the sandwich back over and onto a plate.  Cut in half  (if desired).

Perfect Charcoal Grilled Chicken

Grilling individual pieces of chicken to perfection, over an open flame, isn't easy.  It LOOKS easy, but it's tricky!  Think to yourself, "How many pieces of BBQ chicken have I eaten where the cook was hiding the burnt skin with extra BBQ Sauce?"  We've all been there...

Great grilled chicken doesn't have to be hard.  I have tricks to get your bird perfectly seasoned and cooked to perfection!

You Will Need:

• "Instant Read" probe thermometer
• Anywhere from 8 to 14 pieces of Chicken
• Olive Oil
• Dry Rub: equal parts of each, mixed, and put into a shaker:
• Kosher Salt
• Ground Pepper
• Paprika
• Chili Powder
• Brown Sugar
• Garlic Powder

The first step is easy.  Rinse your chicken with cold water, and pat each piece dry with a paper towel, then dump them all into a large bowl.  Wash both of your hands (I'm not kidding, it's important), and make a mental note to make your dominant hand your "chicken hand" and the other hand your "clean hand." 

Now, use your CLEAN hand and grab a bottle of olive oil.  Pour some over the chicken, and use your Chicken Hand to spread and mix the olive oil all over the chicken pieces.  You'll be tempted to use both hands, but do NOT!  If you do, you'll just cross-contaminate the rest of your chicken and you'll be left to sanitize everything or to just get sick... neither of which are any fun.  When all of the chicken is lubricated, use your clean hand to shake the dry rub over the chicken and use your chicken hand to turn and mix all of the pieces until everything is coated evenly and fully.

Now, use your clean hand to get a large zip-top bag.  Dump all of the pieces into the bag with your chicken hand, squeeze as much of the air out as possible and seal it up.  Place the bag onto the counter with your clean hand and wash your hands, the bowl, the counter top, and anything else that you accidentally touched with your chicken hand!  THEN it will be safe for you to grab the bag and park it in your refrigerator to marinate overnight, or for at least 4 hours.

Ok, when it's time to cook, or when you're just so hungry that you can't leave the chicken in the fridge for one more minute, take the bag of chicken out, and leave it on the counter while you go build a fire.  You want to get enough charcoal going to fill half of your grill space.  Slice the grate to the opposite side of the fire.  NOTICE, I shoved all of my coals to the side with the air intake!  You want the coals to stay HOT!  Close the lid and let the interior pre-heat for about 20 minutes.

Now get your bag o' chicken and some tongs.  Head out to the grill, open the lid, and lay the pieces out on the COOL side of the grate.  Breasts should go "bone side down."  Now, close the lid again and walk away for ten minutes.  What you have going here is basically an oven.  You're "baking" the chicken but instead of an electric heating element, you're using charcoal.  Note the picture, it is no coincidence that I have the bigger pieces closer to the fire, and the smaller pieces a bit further away... After ten minutes, open the lid, flip the chicken over, close the lid, and walk away again, for another ten minutes.

When the chicken has had a chance to bake for 20 minutes, it should be well on its way to being done.  Take its temperature with the probe and remember my mantra, "Chicken is done at 165 degrees; it begins its journey to Burnland at 166!"  With this in mind, slide the pieces directly over the fire.  Do NOT walk away anymore!  Keep an eye on them, turn them over frequently so the skin doesn't burn, and take their temps once in awhile.

Your goal here is fairly simple.  You want to develop a nice amber crust on the chicken skin but you don't want it to turn black.  You also want each piece to match 165 degrees before you remove it from the fire.  So, pay attention to your hot spots, your probe, and above all, your NOSE!  Get your face over the grill, close your eyes, concentrate, and smell it.  You should smell roasting spices, chicken, and smoke,  You should sense some chili heat and steam.  You should NOT smell burning sugar or burnt chicken!  This is best accomplished with tongs in one hand and a cold beer in the other.. move the pieces that are nearly done to the cold spots and keep the bigger pieces close enough to the fire to cook, but far enough away not to burn.  You got this!!  whatever you do, resist the temptation to slather everything with BBQ sauce until maybe the very end.  Sauce has sugar, sugar burns, and you want the chicken skin to be exposed to the fire so it will get crispy!

In the end, your patience and skill will be rewarded with juicy chicken that is flavorful, and with skin that is crispy and easy to bite through!  Garnish with some of your favorite BBQ sauce that's been warmed on the stove or on the grill.

This happens to be my wife's favorite dish, out of everything I've ever cooked at the house; so we have it more often than we probably should, but it's so damn good.... Don't be afraid to practice!

Shrimp Tacos, Avocado Salsa, and Spicy Skillet Adobo Sauce!

Who doesn't like tacos?  I like mine in soft homemade flour tortillas, and I lean toward fish or shrimp tacos if you're taking notes for my birthday... Everyone I know has a favorite taco, but very few folks take the time to make great tacos at home.  "Old El Paso Home Taco Kits" are still on grocery shelves, but I'm asking you today to consider putting it back, and walking over to the produce aisle... Make some tacos at home that would make your family, friends, and neighbors burst into tears, and sing praises to your name!

Let's turn the "Shrimp Taco" recipe up to ELEVEN!  What if we cooked the shrimp in a spicy pan rendered Adobo sauce?  What if we cooled the heat a bit by spiking some sour cream with Cilantro?  What if we loaded the whole thing down with a fresh avocado salsa??  Let's get started!

You Will Need:
For the Shrimp Adobo:

• 3lbs of #12 Shrimp, thawed and uncooked
• 1/2 Cup Olive Oil
• 1/2 Cup Chili Powder (Ancho or Chipotle homemade powder is best) 
• 1/4 Cup Garlic Powder
• 1/4 Cup Onion Powder
• Juice of Two Limes
• 1 Tbsp Cider Vinegar

For the Avocado Salsa:

• 2 Avocados (rough chopped)
• 2 Roma Tomatoes (diced)
• 2 Fresh Jalapenos (diced)
• 1 Small Red Onion (diced)
• Juice of 2 limes
• 1 Cup Cilantro (chopped)

For the Sour Cream:

• 1 8oz tub of sour cream
• 4 Tbsp chopped Cilantro

Let's start with the Shrimp.  Why did I start with a huge 3lb bag?  Well, mostly because Sam's Club sells them that way!  If you want to cut the recipe in half, feel free, but there's a significant amount of work involved here, and all of the ingredients keep in the fridge for awhile, so why not make a bunch?  Thaw out your shrimp, peel them, clean, de-vein, and rinse them in cold water.

Gather together the rest of the ingredients from the "Shrimp Adobo" section.  Do consider making your own chili powder... it makes an incredible difference, since chili powder loses it's "Punch" so quickly on the shelf.  Grocery store chili powder is almost useless!  Mix the oil, chili, garlic and onion, lime juice and cider in a bowl and mix mix mix!  Use a fork or a ball-whisk and do your best to bring it together.  It'll be thick!  It might "mace" you if you get your nose too close... just keep stirring and pressing until it looks like the picture.

Scoop it out over the shrimp.  It will look a bit like thick melted chocolate (it will NOT taste like chocolate)!  Carefully and slowly stir and mix it with your shrimp.  Use a big spoon or rubber spatula, but do NOT use your hands!  You don't want this stuff under your fingernails or stuck under your wedding ring! 

Scoop and stir until the Adobo sauce and the shrimp are well mixed.  Your brain will tell you, "This is ridiculous, this will never work, I've messed this up completely!"  NO!  Don't think that way!  All will be just fine... there's a secret weapon coming...

Dump all of the shrimp into a big plastic bag.  Press as much air out as you can, and seal the bag. Park it in the fridge for at least an hour (24 hours is better).

Now, turn your attention to the salsa.  This is super duper easy, just chop everything and slide it into a bowl.  Stir it together and add salt and pepper to taste.  Try it!  If you're standing there thinking, "Holy Crap, this is good, why don't I make this all the time??" Then you built it correctly.  Congratulations.

While you're in a good mood, chop some more cilantro and dump it into an 8oz tub of sour cream.  Mix.  You're welcome...

Ok, back to the Shrimp!  Take out a big, heavy skillet (cast iron works very well, here).  Lube the bottom with a bit of olive oil and crank it up to medium high.  Wait until the oil is hot (it will have a nice sheen to it) and dump in the shrimp.  Use some tongs to spread them around in an even layer around the pan.  Don't stop stirring!  Let them gather heat for about a minute.  When they're are roughly 1/2 cooked, it will be time to deploy the secret weapon!

When the shrimp are good and hot and you can smell the chili sauce (it gives off an amazing aroma after the heat hits it), pour on about 1/4 cup of water and stir!  Be careful, it will instantly boil and steam!  The water (secret weapon) does all kinds of great things.  First, it will boil and the steam will help finish cooking the shrimp.  Second, it will bring the Adobo sauce together! 

After 20 seconds or so, add another 1/4 cup of water.  Stir!  Repeat this until the sauce is to your liking.  For me, I ended up using about 3/4 cup water in total, and cooked everything for about 4 minutes total.  The whole process happens fairly quickly so stay on your toes! 

Once the shrimp are done, you may need to sample one (or four).  They should be tender, and gloriously spicy, without burning your face off!  Ok, we're almost at the finish line; time to build the taco!

Start with your favorite vessel.  If you prefer "Street" style, you'll need some small corn tortillas and while I'm not usually a soft corn tortilla fan, I find that they match really well with the Adobo sauce!  In this case, I used my old home-cooked flour torts.  Lay down a layer of sour cream, then line up some shrimp.  Top with your Avocado salsa and BAM!  You're kicking the neighborhood's ass with these tacos!

The spicy heat of the shrimp is tempered with the cool fats from the sour cream and the avocado.  Onions and Cilantro bring a nice crunch to the party and the whole thing together is just dynamite!

Shrimp Po' Boy

If you've been to New Orleans and you've feasted on fresh oysters, gumbo, Jambalaya, and crawfish etouffee, then I say, "Well done, good sir (or madam)!"  Hopefully, you also took the time to sample a shrimp po' boy!  "What's a shrimp po' boy," you ask?  Shame on you... A shrimp po' boy is only the greatest un-sung hero sandwich to come out of the Louisiana bayou!  Sadly, the further North you are when you order one, the more bland it becomes. 

To re-create an authentic, spicy, shrimp po' boy you need fresh shrimp, good homemade chili powder, gumption, and an ice-cold beer!  Let's get started!

You will need:

• 1 lb fresh raw/uncooked shrimp, 20-25 size works very well
• 2 Heaping Tbsp smoked paprika
• 2 Heaping Tbsp homemade chili powder
• 1 Tbsp creole seasoning or Seasoning salt
• 1 Heaping Tbsp garlic powder
• 1 Cup Flour
• 3/4 Cup Yellow Corn Meal 
• 2 Large eggs
• 2 Cups Whole Milk
• Hoagie Rolls
• Fresh tomato (sliced)
• Mayonaise
• Your favorite salad, lightly dressed and sliced thinly

Have a seat and open an ice-cold beer.  Take a sip and ponder with me, "Why fresh homemade chili powder?"  Well, nothing loses its "punch" faster than chili powder.  Chances are, the stuff you'll find on the spice aisle at the grocery store isn't much spicier or flavorful than wheat flour!  You're so much better off making your own!  I like to use dried Chipotle or Hatch Chili pods, but you can choose what suits you.  Click the link above for simple directions.  You're welcome!

Start by thawing out, cleaning, and peeling your shrimp.  I doubled the recipe and made two pounds, so I had about 40 large shrimp in my bowl.  Rinse them and drain the water.

Combine your paprika, chili powder, creole or seasoning salt, and garlic powder together in a bowl.  Use a fork to stir until well combined.  Keep your snoot away from the bowl, since good fresh chili powder can mace you a little bit!

Dump the whole load of spices onto your shrimp.  Stir and mix it all together.  It should seem like a LOT of spices.  It is!  Your shrimp should like like they just climbed out from under a red sandy beach.  Shrimp are tough, they can take it.

When they're completely covered with what seems like 2 or 3 coats of spicy goodness, transfer them to a zip-top bag and park them in the fridge for a few hours.

Meanwhile, mix the flour and cornmeal together in a bowl and set it aside.  Mix the eggs and milk together well, and set it next to the flour.  You're setting up a classic fry-station!  If you're a fan of this blog and you are thinking, "Whoa, Ken NEVER deep-fries anything," then you're almost right.  I rarely do.  An honest shrimp po' boy is worth the calories, the mess, and the lingering smell it leaves in your kitchen.  That should tell you something!

Working in batches of 3-5, drop your chili-coated shrimp into the milk mixture, then the flour/meal mixture and coat them well. 

When your basket has 5 shrimp in it, drop them into a 350 degree oil bath.  I used canola oil, just because it fries well, but peanut oil is a fantastic option too, if you don't mind the expense.

Let them cook for two minutes.  Shrimp cook very quickly so don't leave them in longer than that!

Dump the shrimp onto a wire rack with some paper towels under it to soak up the grease.  You want them to drain and cool a little bit.  Notice than they are a shade darker than "golden brown."  That's the chili powder doing it's thing!  They should be a redish colored golden brown!

When the shrimp are cooked and cooling, it's time to get ready to build your sandwich!  I split the hoagie roll in half and toasted the inside with some butter.  Just lay it face down in a pan with some melted butter in it, and let it toast for a minute or two!  Then, layer a healthy amount of mayo on the bottom (by "healthy," I mean "a lot," not "dietarily" healthy), add the sliced tomatoes, and then pile on as many shrimp as you can!  On the other side, heap on your salad/slaw.  Fold it in half, take a deep breath, squish it down a little, and DIG IN!  I know, I know... it's amazing, right?

Cooking Slab Bacon

While doing some routine shopping at Sam's Club the other day, I noticed that they now sell "UN-sliced Bacon!"  I stopped and for a moment, I thought the rapture may have just snapped me up and I was blissfully shopping in Heaven's Sam's Club, with Gabriel, Saint Peter, and somewhere in the offices above, Jesus was now in charge of the meat!

What's better than bacon?  Slabs of bacon.  Deliciously thick, honking, juicy, cubes and slabs of bacon.  Let's do it.

You Will Need:

• 1 2lb block of cured and smoked un-sliced bacon
• Heavy pinches of:
• Chili Powder
• Black Pepper
• Brown Sugar

Preheat your oven to 375 degrees F, and get out a heavy-bottom frying pan (cast iron is great for this).  "An oven and a pan," you say?  Yes, we're going to render a good bit of the fat out, then crisp up the edges!  Just... "Trust me!"  Start with your slab of bacon and cut them into cubes, roughly 1" wide.  This 2lb slab yielded 24 cubes so, you do the math when you break out your knife!

Now, take a regular cookie-sheet and spray it with non-stick cooking spray, add a layer of foil, then place a nice cooking rack on top of the foil.  If you don't have a cooking rack for your cookie-sheets yet, NOW is the perfect time to buy one!  Spray it with non-stick cooking spray too, or you'll spend the rest of the afternoon cleaning it... Arrange your bacon cubes on the rack as shown here.  Give them some space to breath and to embrace the heat!

Cook them for 45 minutes at 375F.  Notice that they're a lot smaller!  Some of them will topple over as they lose their fat.  Aren't they precious?  Also notice that you have a lot of bacon fat in the bottom of the pan... SAVE it!  This is "butter" for so many other dishes.  From soup, to cornbread, frying eggs, and a zillion other things, bacon fat is a miracle of nature.  God bless pigs!

Now, arrange your cubes in a pan.  Sprinkle your spices over the top and set the heat to Medium.  Let them sizzle over Medium heat for 20-25 minutes.  -OR-  Sliding the pan into a pre-heated smoker (200-225F) wouldn't be the worst idea either... You're looking for a nice crispy crust to form, that's not too brown.

When they're ready, carefully flip each one over and reduce the heat to Medium Low.  Let the other side crisp up for another 20 minutes or so.

"But Ken," you say, "That's almost an hour and a half to cook bacon!  Are you sure?"  Yes.  I'm sure.  These beauties are triple thick and you want to make sure the insides have had a chance to render their fat and to get all nice and juicy and piping hot.  You're working nice and slow here over fairly low heat.  You'll be just fine!

When time is mercifully up, slide your baby-slabs into a serving bowl and cover them with foil for a few minutes so they can rest and cool just a touch.  Then, bring this bowl to a pot-luck dinner or set it in front of your guests while you finish their main dish.  Bask, and dance a small jig as they praise you in songs of jubilee!  There will be much rejoicing... When Aunt Ruth brings her green jello casserole to Thanksgiving Supper this year, knock her skinny ass into the dirt with a huge bowl of bacon slabs.  You'll hear applause...