Guacamole Stuffed Chicken Breast, with Bacon!

A pig, a chicken, and an avocado walk into a bar.... HA!  Just kidding.  This recipe is a bit strange.  Your head will say, "Avocados and chicken?  No way!" but your mouth will tell your head to "Shut right up, because this stuff is extra-primo super delicious!"

This dish is a lot simpler than it seems, and it's actually good for you sine Avocado is a "super food" and chicken is lean and, well, bacon is "good!"

You Will Need:

• 1 large chicken breast (skinless and boneless)
• 1 thin slice of bacon (maybe two)
• 1 solid batch of good Guacamole!
• Oven, Pre-Heat to 375

The first thing you'll need is an amazing batch of guacamole.  You'll need some to stuff into the chicken breasts, and you'll need something to snack on while you wait for the dish to come out of the oven, so... get started on that first!

Once your guac is done, rinse off your chicken breast and lay it out on the cutting board.  Lop off the cap from the bigger (non-tapered) end.  Keep the cap and cook it along with the rest of the breast, the bacon fat will render it quite delicious and it's a nice "bonus bite" for the chef!

Grab the breast in your "non-knife" hand and give it a squeeze to tighten it together.  Insert a sharp filet knife and cut a nice slit through the center of the end of the breast.  Use extreme care not to open your hand at this stage!  The chicken will be delicious, stuff with guacamole.  Your hand will not!

Pull out the knife, and insert your fingers.  Stretch the slit out a bit so that it becomes a nice hole.  Now comes the fun part... Use a spoon, a butter knife, or your fingers, and stuff that hole with guacamole!  You will get guacamole everywhere if you're not careful.  I've found that it's best to use a little bit at a time. 

It's a test of your patience, but you won't have guac all over your counter-top.  Also, you'll need to resist the urge to eat any guacamole spillage, since it's tainted with raw chicken breast.  For that reason, it's best not to scoop your "chicken hand" into the guacamole bowl!  You certainly don't want to ruin a fresh batch of guac with chicken juice...

Once you've stuff it, lay the chicken breast down, and tuck the ends under, so it's nice and pretty.  Wrap the chicken in a thin piece of bacon, to hold everything together.  Why thin bacon, and not thick?  Thin bacon stretches better, and crisps up a bit more quickly.  Use a toothpick if you need to, this can be a bit tricky...

Finally, the fun part!  Place a pan over Medium-High heat and let it get hot.  Lay your chicken down into the pan and listen to the sizzle!  Let them cook for 2 minutes on each side, just enough to let the bacon crisp up a little bit.  Then, slide the entire pan into your 375 degree oven, and close the lid for 15 minutes.

When the chicken comes out of the oven, it should be 165 degrees inside and the juice should be clear.  Slice and eat!  I find the salt from the bacon is enough to season the chicken.  The guacamole should be seasoned perfectly, going in.  All together, the mix of crispy bacon, soft guacamole, firm chicken... it's heaven!

Perfect Crock-Pot Roast

What's the first thing people cook when they buy a crock-pot?  Pot-roast, of course.  Let's face it, any "Schmo" with a crock-pot can assemble a pot-roast, and it would be edible.  Wouldn't you rather take a few extra minutes of time to include a few crucial steps that would turn an "edible" pot-roast into an "unforgettably tender and juicy" pot-roast?  Of course you would!

You Will Need:

• 1 Four to five pound Chuck Roast
• 3 Cups small round fingerling or new potatoes
• 5-7 Medium sized whole carrots, peeled and cut into 3" lengths
• 1 bag frozen pearl onions
• 1 Bottle of Pinot Noir or Cabernet Sauvignon (Very "Drinkable" but not too expensive)
• 2 Cups of quality beef broth
• 6 Whole cloves of garlic, crushed 

Disclaimer:  This recipe works for me because I think I have the largest crock-pot the average consumer can possibly get.  You may need to make adjustments, based on the size of your crock. Also, you may notice the plastic bag in this picture.  It's a crock-pot liner (my buddy Bill calls them "Crock-pot Condoms").  Don't knock them 'till you've tried them!  They enable you to clean your crock pot in less than ten seconds after the cooking is done!

Haul out your crock pot, add the liner, and dump in enough potatoes to cover the bottom.  Give them a very light coating of salt, and dump in your garlic, and maybe even a small handful of chopped green onions (if you're feeling "sexy").   

I'm just heart-broken that I can't find bone-in Chuck roasts anymore.  Bones are heavy, and they're eliminated in 99% of commercial shipments of beef nowadays, because we need to get that stock price up another penny or so, to satisfy Wall Street investors, right?  If you can't get your hands on a bone-in roast, go with a well-marbled Chuck that doesn't have a thick ribbon of fat running right through the middle.

Do not buy a Rump Roast, or a "Top Round" roast... Get "Chuck!"  It's from the shoulder.  Chuck roast is beautifully marbled with gobs of fat and connective tissue, two necessary ingredients to a flavorful juicy roast (I didn't say it was 'lean,' I said it was 'delicious!').  If it does have a bone in it, the bone will look like a number "7" (cross section of the shoulder blade).  Get the one with the longest "tail" on the 7 (that will be the closest to the neck, and more tender).  Generously salt all sides of the roast. 

Meanwhile, get a heavy pan (cast iron is best) and add some olive oil to the bottom and turn the heat to HIGH!  When it's super hot, lay in the roast and listen as it sizzles!  You want to put a nice brown crust on both sides, it should take about 4 minutes per side.  Use some long tongs to flip it over.  

Once both sides are brown, gently move it from the pan to the crock, laying it right in the middle, on top of the potatoes.  During the cook, the fat will render and precious juices will rain down over the potatoes, smothering them with goodness and wonder.  Using this method, the potatoes will soak up the flavor of the garlic, salt, meat juice, fat, wine, and they'll taste fantastic!  Potatoes should taste like flavorful potatoes and not like bland blobs that have to be covered with gravy to be eaten!

Do not worry if your roast stuck to your pan.  In fact, get excited when your roast sticks to the bottom of your pan!  Why?  "Fond!"  The French call the burnt crusty pieces of "Stuff" that sticks to the pan, "Fond."  We want the fond in our crock pot because there's a ton of alcohol soluble flavors in there so... how do we get alcohol soluble flavors to unlock themselves?  With Alcohol, of course!  Open your bottle of wine, take a sip, and get ready...

Pour about 1/4th of your wine into the pan.  Be careful, it will sizzle, pop, and steam!  Some of the alcohol vapor may catch fire as it leaves the liquid, don't worry, just wait a sec and it will burn itself out!  Stir it all around and scrape the bottom of the pan with a heavy spoon to break everything loose.  Keep the heat up!

Now, pour about 1/2 of the remaining wine into the pot.  Stir and cook it until it reduces a little bit.  When it's ready, pour the entire contents of the pan over the roast.  Notice now, that you have a healthy glass of wine left in your bottle... This is an excellent time to pour it into the nearest glass and to begin to drink it!  Things are going so well, you've earned it, and you'll need fortification to clean up your kitchen soon so, bottoms up!

Time to talk about carrots.  Do I really need to convince you to use "real" carrots, instead of those waxy carrot-pellet things?  Honestly, fresh carrots are tender, sweet, flavorful, they taste like carrots and they impart some sugars and great flavors to the roast.  Those waxy "Carrot Nuggets" you can buy don't have any real flavor at all.  Avoid them.  You'll thank me...

Peel and cut your carrots and arrange them around the roast.  I like to build a "Carrot Fence" around the roast.  It leaves plenty of room for the onions to go on top!  Once the carrots are in, its time to pour on the broth! 

Don't ruin this roast with weak, canned beef broth.  Use some quality bouillon!  I love this stuff!  It has little bits of actual beef in it, the flavor is hearty, and it doesn't bring too much salt to the party.  Plus, most grocery stores carry it, so it's easy to find... bonus!  Mix up a couple of cups and pour it over your roast, just until the wine/broth juice creeps up to 1/4 inch below the lip of the pot.  

Add a bag of frozen pearl onions, then season them with a bit of salt and pepper.  I like white pepper, and a bit of creole seasoning, but your mileage may vary.  

Turn the crock-pot on "Low" and walk away from it for 8 or 9 (yes, eight or nine) whole hours.  We're talking about 5lbs of beef here, not only do we want to cook it, but we also want to break down and render out the fat and connective tissues so... let the pot work it's magic!  After 8 hours, turn it down to "Warm" and leave it alone for another hour.  This will let it "rest" for a bit. When you're ready to serve it, gently take it out of the crock with a pair of tongs.  Be careful, it will probably fall apart.  Arrange it on a platter, and then arrange your vegetables around the edge.  Slice the roast coarsely across the grain so that people can serve themselves a portion (or two) using the tongs.  Pour a few ladles of Au-jus over the top, and carry it to the table!

Notice that there is no recipe for gravy, here.  If you did this correctly, your roast will be wonderfully tender and very VERY moist!  There should be no need for gravy.  After all, a roast should taste like, well, "Roast!"  It shouldn't taste like gravy... 

Fantastic Fajitas!

I'm a bit of a "traditionalist" when it comes to fajitas.  The Spanish word "Faja" means, "strip" or "belt."  Cows have a diaphragm muscle that expands and contracts to help them breathe, just like we do.  The lower portion of this muscle is called the "strip."  Traditionally, this is called the "Fajita" and the Tex-Mex dish we've all come to love, is based on this cut of meat.

Now while I recognize that technically, chickens and shrimp don't have a "Faja" muscle and a sliced chicken breast in no way a true "Fajita" will make; BUT, you won't offend me if you call them "Chicken Fajitas" and serve them to me on a homemade flour tortilla with a bit of good guacamole... LET'S GET TO IT!

You Will Need:

• Beef Skirt Steak (not Flank steak, and not Sirloin)
• Worcestershire sauce
• Your favorite steak seasoning
• Chili Powder 
• 4-6 Skinless Boneless Chicken Breasts

Other Elements:

• Guacamole
• Onion/Pepper medley (Grilled)
• Sour Cream
• Cilantro
• Cheese
• Pico-de-Gallo 
• Flour Tortillas (Freshly cooked, homemade is best.  Go out of your way to find them)

Good fajitas start with good steak.  GREAT fajitas start with a good SKIRT steak!  Have a look at this gnarly belt of meat.  It's hard to believe that we're about to transform it into some of the most tender, spicy, and delicious fajitas you can imagine, but that's exactly what we're going to do!  Some stores will try to pass Flank steak off as "fajita steak" but don't you dare fall for it.  Ask the meat guy specifically for "Skirt Steak!"

First things first; notice that there is quite a bit of loose fat, and probably a good bit of the membrane around this muscle.  It has to go!  You can peel most of it away with your bare hands, but you may need a flexible filet knife to "shave" off some of the more stubborn pieces.  Take your time.

Don't try to take all of the fat (fat = flavor), but you do want to remove the larger globs and as much of that tough membrane as you can.  Then, slice the skirt into smaller 4-6 inch strips.  We'll eventually be slicing these across the grain once they're cooked, so you'll want to set your target to the size you want your fajita strips to be for serving.

Generously sprinkle each steak with Worcestershire, and a liberal shake of your steak seasoning, and some of the chili powder.  Make sure you cover both sides!  Stack them up on top of each other and set them aside to marinate while you concentrate on your chicken...

Chicken breasts are fairly thick when you pull them out of the package.  We want them to be as thin as the fajita steaks for even cooking and for a better presentation so... spread some olive oil onto each side, cover them with a layer of plastic wrap, and gently pound them out with the smooth side of a mallet.  Notice; my mallet (pictured) has some nicks in it.  My wife did this, pounding a nail into the wall to hang a picture.  I can't talk about it.....

Once your chicken breasts are nice and flat, season them with salt and a bit of the chili powder.  Stack them together so they can marinate while you get your fire going!

Time to make fire!  I believe that the flavor that a good wood/charcoal fire brings to the table is head/shoulders above propane gas.  This is 100x more true when it comes to fajitas!  You'll want a HOT fire here and the goal is to sear the outside quickly while the inside cooks up juuuust enough to be "done."

I do the chicken first.  About 3 minutes per side over a 700 degree fire brought my chicken's internal temperature up to 160 degrees.  Perfect.  Take them off and let them sit in a warmer while you do the same to the beef.

Lay out your steaks and let them sizzle for 3-5 minutes per side.  Keep an eye on the grain of the meat and which direction it's going.  After the meat comes off the heat, let it rest (wrapped in foil) for about ten minutes.

After a good rest, it is super important to cut the steaks into strips, across the grain!  The yellow cut marks in the picture should help.  If you cut with the grain, you'll be serving long strips of muscle that are difficult to chew.  When you cut across the grain, these strips are severed and they tend to fall apart much more easily!  This makes for an easier bite and a delicious "chew!"

Once you've sliced your steaks (and your chicken), they should be served immediately, while they're still warmed.  To add flourish, you can slide all of the slices into a hot cast-iron skillet and whisk them to the table while they're still sizzling!

The chicken should be sliced as thinly as your beef, just for a better presentation.  Personally, I prefer the beef, wrapped in a soft warm flour tortilla with some grilled onions, cilantro, and a schmear of good guacamole!

Smoked Turkey Breast (for all the right reasons)

Turkey meat that is super-juicy, tender, well seasoned, and perfectly prepared is a treat.  So, why is it so hard to get it exactly right, every single time?  Well, turkeys present a bit of a conundrum...

Here's the problem... White meat is done at 160 degrees F.  Dark meat isn't safely cooked until it hits 180 degrees.  Why would anyone overcook (and dry out) the white-meat by 20 degrees, just to get the legs and thighs up to the proper temperature?  I say... "Don't!"

You Will Need:

• 2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
• 1/4 Cup apple cider
• 3/4 Cup honey
• 1 (12-ounce) bottle beer
• 1 TBSP salt
• 1/2 Cup Tony Chachere's Creole Spice
• 1/2 Cup olive oil
• 3 Fresh (or thawed) Turkey Breasts

A quick word about the Turkey Breasts... do NOT get the "Turkey Roast" or "Turkey Loaf" pack from the store.  You want the twin breasts, with bones, just as they came from the Turkey. The label should say something like "Turkey Breast with some back and wing meat."  I find that three of these will fit very nicely into one of those full sized foil pans you can get for $1.

When you get your breasts home, thaw them out.  Once they are thawed, open them up and drain them, then rinse them well and pat them dry.  Notice that they haven't been split open... this makes them wobbly and they have a hard time standing up on their own.  Splitting them open increases the surface area for cooking, and helps them be more stable in the pan.

Rotate the breast so that the narrow end is pointing up (shown here, at the right).  With a good pair of poultry or kitchen-sheers, snip out the remnant of the backbone that's left. Grab the two vertical plates from the ribs (one in each hand) and lay the breast down, pressing on both sides.  You'll hear a "POP" as the wishbone breaks and the breasts split open and away from the keel bone.  

Once it's been split, you can lay it down (skin side up).  Repeat the process for all of the breasts and get them situated in the pan.  Snug them up next to each other so they can commiserate in their misfortune!  Wash your hands and grab a couple of beers, one for you and one for the injection...

Mix all of the ingredients for the injection together in a bowl.  I use a whisk and I mix very thoroughly!  Don't expect the seasonings to dissolve and don't expect the mixture to come together into a nice homogeneous liquid.  It won't!  You'll need to whisk and mix every time you fill the injection syringe!

Fill the syringe (available at most any grocery store, Amazon, etc) and start shooting up your breasts!  This is "Breast Augmentation" of the finest order!  If you over-inject and some leaks out into the bottom of the pan, worry not, you'll be pouring the rest of the injection into the bottom of the pan!  I give a total of 4 injections (2 on the left, and 2 on the right) to each breast.

Now, once your breasts have been injected, pour the rest of the liquid over the breasts and into the pan.  Insert a probe thermometer into each breast (if you have that many probes, do it!), or into the largest breast if you only have one probe.  Place the pan into your oven or smoker, and bring the heat to 250 degrees.  The trick is to slow-cook these wonders up to 160 degrees, AND NOT A SINGLE DEGREE MORE!!

When they hit 160, pull them out and cover everything with foil.  Let them sit there, nice and quiet (away from the reach of your hound-dog, if you have one like mine).  They'll probably carry-over to 163 or so, no big deal.  After 30 minutes, you should be able to carve them up.  Cut them right down the middle, then cut each breast laterally, so that a juicy piece of the skin goes with each bite, as shown (below).  You will LOVE this turkey!  I've been told by several families that I've cooked this for, that "It was the best turkey they had ever eaten!"

"Hot Smoked" Salmon, Whole Filet!

When most people hear the words, "Smoked Salmon," they imagine a slab of cold salty fish, smashed onto a bagel with some cream cheese.  "Cold Smoking" is a food preparation process that usually involved brining (salting) and drying the meat out with an infusion of cold smoke, to preserve it for long periods of time.  This is awesome if you're an Eskimo, or if you live without the modern convenience of electricity and refrigeration.

I am not an Eskimo.I prefer to actually cook the salmon with hot smoke in a cooker that uses charcoal and wood.  The results are super-duper tasty, look!

Why doesn't everyone smoke their Salmon the same way they smoke pork, brisket, ribs, or chicken?  Because it's FRAGILE and super easy to screw up, that's why!  Using a few simple tricks, you can make this restaurant quality dish at home and impress even the snootiest of your friends!

You Will Need:

• One Full-Sized Raw Salmon Filet
• One Foil Pan, large enough to accommodate your fish
• 2 Tbsp Fresh Lime Juice
• 2 Tbsp Extra-virgin Olive Oil
• Fish Rub - 1 Tbsp Each of:
• Coarse Sea Salt
• Smoked Paprika
• Coarsely Cracked Peppercorns
• Dark Brown Sugar
• Chili Powder
• Old Bay Seasoning

Ok, mix your lime and oil together and use your fingers to spread a small portion of it all over the bottom of your foil pan.  We don't want your salmon to stick to the grates of your grill so we're going to cook it in a pan.  We don't want your salmon to stick to the pan, so we're going to coat it with oil (and lime juice, to flavor the bottom of the filet).

Lay your fish into the pan (flat side down) and make sure it slides around when you jiggle the pan.  Pour the rest of the oil/lime over your fish and massage it into the filet.  Then liberally sprinkle the rub across the top.  Make sure you get an even coat of the rub over all of the fish.  Go ahead and get your fire going outside in your cooker, and aim for a temperature of 225 degrees F.

Pulling this fish off of your cooker when it hits the correct temperature is everything in this dish!  Seriously, it's as easy to under-cook this fish as it is to burn it so, you'll want to watch it carefully!  I inserted my thinnest temperature probe into the thickest part of the filet.  Push it in slowly, and watch the readout.  If you pulled this fish out of the fridge to prep it, you should stop inserting your probe when it reads 38-42 degrees.  Then you'll know you hit the cold spot.

When is it done?  Great question... Salmon is "done" at 140.  It's also done at 160!  Any degrees of doneness between these two temperature extremes is perfectly presentable and up to your own personal preference.  Me?  I'm a sushi lover so I'll aim for 140.  Some people like it a bit more firm so they shoot for 150.  Things start to dry out at 160 though, so be careful.

How long will it take?  Another great question.  Have a close look at my thermal readout during this cook.  The fish started at 46 degrees.  It climbed up to 91 in 30 minutes, in a cook chamber that was 227 degrees.  In the world of "Low and Slow Cooking BBQ," that's NOT a long time!  23 minutes later, it was done!  So, keep a sharp eye on it.  There are lots of factors at play here... humidity, size of the fish, quality of heat circulation, etc.  Do not just set a 45 minute timer and walk away.  Have an adult beverage, close the lid, and watch your thermometer!

When my digital thermo-probe said, "140," I double-checked it with my Thermapen.  It read "137.8."  No problem.  Cover the pan with foil, and place it in a 150 degree oven to keep it warm and to bring it up another few degrees.  Thirty minutes later, it was a perfect 141.2 degrees and ready for slicing and serving!

Have a look at the meat.  At 140, there is still a ton of moisture here, and the fish flaked perfectly.  It was nice and soft but not mushy.  I totally understand it this looks a bit "underdone" to you, if so, shoot for 150 degrees.  My guests were thrilled, and the leftover salmon still had plenty of moisture and turned my last heart of Romaine into an amazing Salmon Caesar Salad....